The Round Table

Beware the man with one gun. He probably knows how to use it.” A truism for sure. Unfortunately, it doesn’t apply to me. I’m a habitual weapon waffler. If I have a bad outing with gun “A,” I reason that it must be the gun’s fault and couldn’t possibly be mine. So I discipline “A” and go hopefully to gun “B” the next day. And then to “C” when “B” fails me. This is good, because it gets everything in the gun cabinet exercised whether it deserves it or not.

This is all based on the Technoid’s Second Syllogism. It states that the very newness of any unfamiliar gun will guarantee some sort of performance honeymoon before reality sets in and we inevitably revert to our past transgressions. It’s called “new-gun-itis.” We usually shoot a new gun better because we are actually paying attention.

Constantly shooting new guns works for the gunwriting fourth estate because we borrow them under the pretense of making them famous. Someone who lives in the real world will be more rational than we are and may not have lots of extra guns lying about. But there’s a plan. Consider The Round Table.

Once a month arrange a dinner for 11 of your shooting buddies who are equally lousy shots. Pick an understanding restaurant or club because each of you will bring a shotgun to the event and you don’t want the maitre d’ misinterpreting things. Sit at a circular table to maintain the Arthurian image. When coffee and cognac time comes, take your current gun and pass it to the man on your left. Receive its replacement from the man on your right. You now have a new gun to shoot, and your performance is bound to improve, at least for a short time.

In one month’s time meet again and go through the same drill. Pass the no-longer-new-to-you gun with the now-flawed performance to your left and receive a rejuvenating untried one from your right. You’ll have another month of shooting bliss. And so on. At the end of the year your original gun will have made the circuit and will be returned to you.

This is a marvelous idea. You never have time to get used to one gun, so none of your bad old habits can surface. The price is right, and eventually you get your original property back. It’s a win/win.

So let those people who stick to one gun and actually learn how to shoot it properly go on about their business. There has to be an easier way to overcome ineptitude, and the Round Table may just be it. And you can trust the Technoid on this. I’m an expert on ineptitude.

Boots off. Beer open. Pass Ol’ Betsy to the left.